abundance in the now

I spent a lot of last year on the run, theoretically speaking. I wanted to run far, far away from everything that was causing me pain, discomfort or unhappiness. Running looks different for everyone but it is similar in one big way - it causes damage. It leaves us feeling breathless, spent and utterly lost. And for all of the energy exerted it is a useless endeavor. The older I get the more I learn that no matter how neatly we may fold our lives a gust of wind will come and toss it all askew from time to time. So I practice the art of letting go of perfection and finding abundance in the NOW.
Now doesn't need adjectives, it simply means we are alive in this moment. Now doesn't need to fit into a box or adhere to any label. Now is simply here. Now is your breath, whether jagged or even. Now is the beauty your eye can see, whether hidden or in plain sight. Now is sound filling your ears, whether it be beautiful music or the sound of a car whizzing past you on the road. Now is warm hands or cold feet. Now is the comforting taste of milk or the fizz of bubbles dissolving on your tongue. Perhaps you can call this groundedness, or meditation, but whatever you call taking a moment to shed the maddening search for perfection and acceptance of what is granted to us by the universe in this present moment, it is good.
I've learned that the universe does not appreciate us trying to wrench out desires out of her bosom. She does not like to be rushed or forced. Our lives move according to each of our own unique currents we happen to be traveling on. One river does not compare the speed of her current to another river, she is resplendent in her own waters. And with grounding and gratitude always comes a welcome boon - the realization that so much of what we desire we already have and what we don't have we probably don't need anyway. Because what we all really want is love, safety, nourishment and joy. I am learning to sift through the ceaseless torrent of fabricated wants and to spoon out only that which is truly worth desiring. I remind myself that I do not desire material things for they always come tainted and will never truly bring peace and fulfillment. I desire a home where we can grow our family and where our children can learn to further rely on and love the earth. I used to be so blinded with exactly what type of home I want, what type of furniture I want to fill it with and so on. But the universe knows what we need and when we need it. I desire work that makes use of the talents I was given, that brings joy and comfort to those around me. I have let go of the desire for work that will be lauded, look glamorous or come with a certain paycheck. I desire a life that feels intentional, peaceful and full of love. I am learning to relinquish the need to have my life and my surroundings look a certain way, fit into certain preconceived notions I have harbored about life and, most importantly, I am learning to relinquish the need to have absolute control over it all.
Our words are powerful. The way we understand the world around us and specifically our lives is the most powerful. All we truly have are these moments. Yesterday's moments and the moment we are in currently. And in any given moment there is so much to be grateful for. I am constantly reminding myself to stop seeking the mysterious future and instead accept, revel in and enjoy what today has bestowed upon me right now. I still dream and hope but I'm careful about what these dreams and hopes look like. Do they exist to bring me joy and momentum or do they exist to harm and disappoint? We all need something to look forward to, we all need dreams but all too often the dreams we create are guaranteed to sour into nightmares because they are not rooted in truth, goodness and wisdom. I find that I am an increasingly happier person when the only dreams and hopes I allow into my life are ones that are attainable and built around my values that have roots to the earth and wings strong enough to reach the sky.