30 weeks + some thoughts on baby boy

glasses - warby parker, dress - j.crew, shoes - hasbeens

The other day I was paying at the grocery store and the checkout girl asked me when I'm due. I must have looked bewildered or perplexed because she quickly followed with "Oh my gosh you are pregnant right?! I'm so sorry!" I immediately put her at ease and told her that I was in fact pregnant but that the honest truth was that all too often I do forget that fact. In between the difficult spring we had, the move and running around after a very, very active toddler (God bless her wild little heart) I don't really have time to bask in the glory of this pregnancy.
I remember with Birdie I would make elaborate to do lists, I would fold and refold all her tiny clothes, I would spend hours on Pinterest finding the perfect little shoe or lamp or print to frame. I took naps and made myself wonderful meals. This time? Well I'm embarrassed to say but there's been a lot of fast food, not a whole lot of Pinterest and no naps. And I feel so guilty about it. I feel like already I'm not giving this baby boy what he deserves. But I try my best and I take what I can get, like mornings.
Mornings are "our" time. At some point into the second trimester I started waking up well before everyone else in the house. I would lay on my back and put my hand on my belly waiting to feel him move. And every morning when I would feel that first kick of the day my heart would flutter. No matter how many times it happens over the course of the day that first time is always special. I like to think it's his way of saying "good morning mama." I spend those few precious moments of quiet thinking about him, loving on him and telling him just how special he already is to us. I vow to do better today than I did yesterday and a feeling of gratitude overwhelms me. Gratitude for the chance to grow a life within me one more time and gratitude for being gifted one more heart to treasure and love.
Inevitably this moment will at some point be interrupted by Birdie's happy howls or Belle asking to go out and the day will begin. There will be breakfast and piles of laundry and work and nap schedules and errands to be ran. My back will ache and the many trips up the stairs, sometimes with a toddler in tow, will leave me winded. I'll eat and take my prenatal vitamins and I'll maybe give myself a moment on the sofa with a glass of water here and there but other than that it will be the mad rush of life. Until the next morning...