surviving the newborn stage

It feels funny to be in a place where you're not the one anxiously and nervously looking upon the unknown of world of a newborn. Instead I listen and at times ever so cautiously offer advice to those in the throes of a newborn baby or are about to be. And now that Birdie is over a year I thought it may be a good time to write down some of those invaluable things that we picked up on our journey as new parents. I purposely wanted to stay away from anything like this until a significant amount of time had passed as one very valuable thing we learned that first week at home was just how many stupid ideas we had before we were parents. 

Now that a year has passed and having a newborn feels so far in the past I can honestly tell you what worked, what didn't, what we wished we did differently and the two or three things that we seemed to do right. 

So here is a list of things that ended up being so valuable for us:

• Take advantage of being at the hospital. Ask the nurses all the questions. Work with a lactation consultant (this was a game changer for me as I had serious trouble getting Birdie to latch). One thing that seemed incredibly daunting to me during my pregnancy was the thought of bathing a newborn. At the hospital our nurse offered to show us how to do it and we were forever grateful. In the grand scheme of things it was a small thing but the amount of confidence that it instilled in us was priceless. 
• Get the freaking mamaroo. Let it be the first thing you buy. I was, and continue to be, somewhat weary of baby "contraptions" as I call them and so I was initially opposed to it. A month in after my arms turned into jelly after hours upon hours of rocking a screaming infant I ran to my laptop in the middle of the night, went straight to amazon and then counted down the days until this gift from God arrived at our door. Ever since I look at our life with a newborn as pre and post mamaroo. We began to put her to sleep in the mamaroo every night (once she fell asleep I would carefully move her to her crib) and it CHANGED OUR LIFE. It was also fantastic for calming her down when she was having an especially fussy day. 
• Learn how to swaddle. That's it. I would even swaddle her for naps. Another total and complete game changer. 
• If you have a nightmarish first bathing experience in the baby tub as we did then I highly recommend just getting in the bath with your baby. The first time we tried her in the baby tub she screamed until she was beet red from head to toe and we all came away from the experience scarred for life. We swore off baths until it was absolutely necessary. A few days later I was taking a bath and Birdie decided she very, very, very hungry. Having no other choice papa bear simply handed her to me in the bath. A few minutes later a lightbulb went off - she was in water and wasn't angry!! From then on I would just climb in with her and rest her on my knees as I washed her and everyone was happy!
• Get the good breast pump. I thought I could get away with one of those flimsy hand pumps. Hah. When we were late for a dinner reservation and I was pumping and getting an once an hour I decided that this was ridiculous. So I got the beast. Yes, I absolutely felt like a cow hooked up to that monstrosity and hated every minute of it but as far as efficiency goes the thing is phenomenal. 
• Leave google alone. Just call your pediatrician. People can make anything sound legit on the internet. Remember a message board on baby center does not equal a doctor's word. 
• Remember that it really will be over before you know it. They will sleep for longer than three hours. They will smile. They won't breastfeed every hour on the hour. And you'll miss it like crazy. 
• Do a newborn shoot. Because my postpartum period was worse than most I wasn't in the state of mind to take photos or do anything beyond attending to Birdie's most pressing needs. Looking back I really regret not having more photos of that time. It would have been so great to have had someone come and take some special shots of those precious first few days. Do it. You won't regret it. 
• Get one of those infant mirrors for the car. So many times Birdie would be screaming in the carseat and I would always think she was hungry or something when it would turn out that it was something stupid like the fact that her hat was covering her eyes (every.single.time) or she dropped her toy. Having the mirror helped me keep an eye on her and know exactly what she needed. Best purchase ever. 
• When it comes to a crying baby simply - experiment. Don't keep doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. Finding out that Birdie found upbeat music calming was a discovery we made after trying everything under the sun and out of every baby book to try and calm her down. Every baby is different, find your baby's love language and then it's pretty smooth sailing from there. 
• I know this doesn't apply to every baby but I've seen so many bad cases I figure it's worth sharing. If your baby is suffering from eczema (Birdie had it SO bad) run, don't walk, to your nearest Target and buy all the Mustela baby eczema products. After using the body wash and lotion for four days her eczema was completely gone. Don't waste your time at the doctor's office, this stuff is a miracle healer. I've heard people say it works better than prescription stuff they were prescribed. We actually still use it on her because it tends to come back if we don't use it for a while. 

Most importantly reminder yourself (and your partner) that you are doing a great job. At the end of the day the most important thing your newborn needs is to be loved and there simply is no right or wrong way to do that. Be patient with yourself and your baby. Ask for help. Give yourselves a break. Go on a drive by yourself and just clear your head. Cherish those moments when they are quiet, squirmy and adorable - it will give you strength to get through the crying that will inevitably follow. And please above anything SLEEP WHEN YOU CAN!! Get it anywhere and anytime, attempt to somehow cobble together four hours a day for yourself, you can't live on less. 

Let me know if there's something I didn't cover and I'll try and help or I'll point you to someone who can!